|
Random
Completely Random
 |
|
in light of today's soberness.
ignore previous drunken entry.
while the basic story is true, getting mad is pointless.
we all live and learn. |
|
|
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?: Is my hair orange again? (don't ask.) 2. How much cash do you have on you?: Four dollars. simply because i was lucky enough to find it in the pocket of a pair of dirty jeans. 3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?: Whore. 4. Favorite planet?: Earth. Duh. 5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile phone?: Amanderrrrrrr 6. What is your favorite ringtone on your phone?: They are all rather annoying I'd say 7. What shirt are you wearing?: Black Led Zeppelin one 8. Do you "label" yourself? no. i mean, i look like an elf, have "emo" bangs, wear cowboy boots, and listen to Devendra. it's impossible. and a waste of time and effort. 9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?: Steve Madden clogs 10. Bright or Dark Room?: Dark. It's a white room, but I have dark gold curtains that remedy that problem. 11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?: yay for being as bored as me 12. What is your favorite flower?: buttercups. hey- i like yellow. 13. What were you doing at midnight last night?: watching Talk Sex with Sue. Yes. 14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile phone say?: I sadly don't have text messaging. Quit rubbing it in. 15. Where is your nearest 7-11?: Do those exist? 16. What's a word/phrase that you say a lot?: Dude and Chill 17.Who told you he/she loved you last?: prolly one of my parents. or my wife amanderrrr 18. Last furry thing you touched?: my houseshoes. they are furry. rawr. 19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?: None at all 20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?: like i have an oldschool camera. 21. Favorite age you have been so far?: i liked 20 the best. but 21 is starting to grow on me. 22. Your worst enemy?: whales. 23. What is your current desktop picture?: a yellow paisly print pattern 24. What was the last thing you said to someone?: i dunno, what do you want to do.- on aim 25. Cottage or a Mansion?: mansion. i'd sell it and buy several cottages. 26. Do you like someone?: sure i like most people 27. The last song you listened to?: Sawdust and Diamonds- Joanna Newson. Perhaps my most favorite song at the moment. |
|
|
i think i might have had something just short of a revelation tonight. i really do. i've reached some sort of conclusion, and i'm not even depressed about it. in fact i'm laughing and enjoying this horrible Elvis movie on tv instead of crying into my pillow. maybe getting older and maturing isn't such a bad thing after all. or maybe it's just the fact that i've been so confused as to what to do for so long that i'm relieved to have a grasp on my course of action, no matter what the outcome is.
and to think it all took place within a game of truth or dare.
actually, the more i sit here and think, the happier and more confident i get.
i think i might actually feel better than i have in months.
which is a blessing, believe me. i don't know how many people actually read this anymore, but i know that a couple of you do if you get anywhere near as bored as i do. either way, this of course has to do with THAT person, who is referred to as Robert Plant.
for a whole year,i've swung back and forth about this guy.
and i finally realized, WHAT DOES IT EVEN MATTER. which i think, if you are one of the few who happen to know him, might be what he was tryin to tell me all along, and the philosophy he has that i've been intrigued by since the day we met. i think that all along i have been jealous of that kind of lifestyle, and wanted most to experience it myself. it has been a year since he moved, and up until this very day we have always managed to keep in touch and have feelings for each other, despite some lapses in time where we can't talk for weeks and even months. which as we all know has made me overanalyze and confuse myself, since obviously to pick up where you left off that easily means that it's something pretty unique that doesn't happen very often in life. anyway, during truth or dare my sleep-deprived mind slipped and i asked the taboo question that we never talk about: did he in all honesty like me or was it a just for fun/physical/boredom/random thing. the answer i got was that he did in fact like me a lot, but that a relationship was an impossibility (for obvious reasons- he lives in TN, he works, i have school, he has no cell phone...etc. etc.).
which i have known all along, somehow, but chose to ignore.
and for about an hour i was sad. but then i got to thinking.
thinking about why i ever even worried about the future in the first place.
this is almost the perfect situation for me.
i mean, a guy i like likes me back and just as much.
i can see him randomly just whenever either one of us starts to think about the other one.
and no rules, no suffocation restraints that i hate hate hate out of every other kind of relationship i've experienced. and besides, when we first met we didn't think we could ever like each other in the first place.
and we did.
and we stay in contact, and have a marvelous time whenever we do see each other.
besides, it has to mean something that no matter what has happened or how much time has passed, we always wind up right where we started. and if it's something that's right, it'll happen on it's own. who knows what life will bring later?
so what is the negative here?
the worst that can happen is that i learned to relax and chill and we both have good memories. so i'm just going to take every day one step at a time.
cherish all of the wonderful people in my life, and have a good time.
life is a big old unpredictable, confusing trip, so it's no good trying to predict or worry in the first place. damn. i sound like a hippie. but at least i'm a happy one. peace out |
|
|
one thing remains constant in my life: no matter how hard i try, i always seem to let someone down. i spend most of my time straining myself as much as possible to make those around me happy. to not disappoint them. to not let them down. to remain important in their lives somehow. and then, whenever i take a step towards making myself happy, it seems i always let someone down horribly. today's my 21st birthday.
the big birthday.
not many more exciting birthday's after this one.
the boy i was once in love with, what seems like ages ago, and have been working my ass off to remain friends with, didn't call and wish me happy birthday. or email. or even a cliche myspace message.
i took him out to eat on his.
over a year of my life, completely with this person.
over a year of my life, trying to be a good girlfriend, and always seeming to fail miserably.
i thought i could be the anti-normal ex-girlfriend, and be a good friend and keep in contact.
apparently that's not going to happen.
i saw him, got pretty horribly snubbed.
and as sad and silly as it is to get upset about, all traces, hints, anything, of me has been deleted from myspace. deleted from pathetic internet history forever.
i wanted to look at it as something that has helped up learn and grow and be the people we are today. something fond to look back at.
but apparently i'm just a memory that was waiting to be erased.
ironic.
and it's not just that.
my own wishy-washyness. my own insecurities. my own inexplicable feelings towards THAT person that always show up over and over again at the worst of times, make me let everyone around me down.
is it too much to just want to make myself happy?
does that always have to mean letting others down? regardless, i think it's time for me to hold fast through the storm.
i'm selfish for once.
i'm not gonna beat myself up about it.
no matter what horrible things it may have seemd like i've down to those i care about,
i've only treated myself a hundred times worse. and today, or seeing as how it's now after midnight, yesterday- i have decided that 21 is an important birthday to me.
it is the day i shake other's responsibilities off
and
become happy. |
|
|
I turn 21 next week.
Is it possible to miss yourself?
I'm burning bridges faster than I can cross them
sitting in a room full of childhood
memories settling on the floor around me like dust
and i'm missing myself.
they say that every person you meet changes the person you turn out to be.
but sometimes i wonder if the real trick is being able to hold onto the person that you've always been, despite the comings and goings of people throughout your life.
i miss thinking about random things like these. |
|
|
do people still do this thing?
i'm thinking probably not
i'm lacking motivation
i want new cds
i want to see marie antoinette
and to go to the my morning jacket show in louisville
and to kill every last member of Hinder
because they suck so bad
jackson's orchard is calling my name
nothing a hayride and apple cider on a fall day can't fix |
|
|
what to say, what to say.
the first and as of yet only person i have ever loved recently informed me that he does not love me anymore.
not a bit.
not a smidge.
not a whit.
just cares for me as a friend.
i think the weather is fitting.
we used to talk about getting married, we both thought it would happen, and i guess a little part of me has always kept that in the back of my mind.
now he likes some other girl, not me.
but isn't this what i wanted?
i guess it's a case of too little too late.
cliche as it sounds, i feel like something in me has been ripped out. and try as i might, i'm finding nothing that can fill it.
i wish this would stop. |
|
|
i know it happens to most of us.
but damn.
i'm doing the best that i can.
but Robert Plant leaving his number and hounding you to come see him.........
that makes it HARD HARD HARD.
I'm really kind of at a loss right now.
i have no idea what to do. |
|
|
1. Start Time: 5:35 pm 2. Name: Kristin 3. Nickname: Kris, Miss Kris, K.P, xtin, K. Pru, K. Dub, hippie ass, etc. etc. 6. Zodiac: saggitarius 7. Hair color: dark brown 8. Eye color: green 9. Height: 5'2"..aka short as fuck 10. Favorite Color: yellow 11. Glasses: yes, i wear them occasionally 13. Piercing/tattoos: just my ears, planning on getting a tattoo sometime in the near future 14. Birthplace: glasgow, ky aka hell 16. Siblings names: kennedy ******HAVE YOU EVER******
17. Cut your own hair?: the question should be when have I NOT cut my own hair.
18. Did something in the past month that you will regret? i do something nearly everyday. because i have a problem. it's called doing/saying whatever pops into my head. you should try it sometime.
19. Have you ever met someone you were not supposed to?: met as in met up and hung out with? yes. mom's don't like druggies apparently.
20. Kissed someone who wasn't your g/f or b/f?: yes
21. Skipped school?: in college, yes, somedays you just would much rather sit on your ass, eat icecream, and watch mtv re-runs.
22. Bungee jumped?: no no no and i never will, i'm scared of heights
23. Had sex outside?: define outside.
24. Dumped someone?: yes
25. Killed someone?: no i haven't SEE CHRISTINA I DO HAVE MORALS
26. Been arrested?: no
27. Broken into someone's house: yes, by accident willie and i got into tom and gunn's
28. Won something?: yeah, the lottery, i'm rich now didn't i tell you?
32. Used a lighter?: oh yes, gotta love those
33. Been on stage?: only a few times and I'd like to keep it that way *****FAVORITE*****
34. Season?: summer
35. Food: italian or mexican. i can't decide.
36. Ice cream flavor: chocolate fudge from baskin robbins. in a chocolate dipped waffle cone with chocolate sprinkles puhlease and thank you.
37. School subject(s): english
38. Person(s): myself, duh
39. Breakfast cereal: i don't eat cereal.
40. Number(s): 75. don't ask.
41. Book(s): oh god i could least at least a hundred. but right now i'll stick with: jane eyre, portrait of an artist, crime and punishment, wuthering heights, and emily of new moon
43. Song(s): i'm not sure specifically. but i do know that it is by Led Zeppelin.
44. Park: covington in bg
45. State: tennesee
46. Place: nashville
47. Sport to watch: i dont do sports
48. Sport to play: see above
49. Bands/musicians: LED ZEPPELIN, my morning jacket, bonnie raitt, mew
52. Cartoon: family guy
54. Name for a son: i don't ever think about boys names..but yeah i'm not having kids so maybe that's why
55. Name for a daughter: AUDREY, of course ***DO YOU PREFER******
56. Chocolate or Vanilla?: like anyone doesn't know the answer to that question
57. Red or Blue?: blue
58. Long relationships or one night stands?: long relationships.
59. Dogs or cats?: neither, i'm not a big fan of animals in general. they are pretty boring if you ask me. plus they make me sneeze like woah
60. Scary movies or comedies?: comedies, i don't handle scary movies very well but i'm gettin better
61. Short or long hair?: long. i want it. damnit.
62. Croutons or bacon bits?: bacon bits
63. Kissing or hugging?: kissing ******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******
64. Mexicans: el mazatlan
65. School: ready to go back
66. Grass: my eyes
67. Cow: tipping
68. Canada: dry?
69. Mouse: run
70. Hands: holding...okay that was gay ******THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU******
71. Watched a movie?: yes, harry potter last night
72. Drank Alcohol?: yes, screw driver on saturday
73. Cried?: no yess it's been 3 whole days
74. Threw up?: nope
75. Drank a glass of water?: lots to make up for that screwdriver
76. Done Drugs?: nope
77. Talked on the phone? yes not too long ago either
78. Watched TV?: yes, The Nanny
79. Looked in the mirror?: yeah, i'm mean i'm hot
80. Taken a shower?: yes certainly
81. Taken a picture?: nope
82. Listened to music?: constantly
83. Kissed someone?: nope
84. Had sex?: nope
85. Told someone you liked them?: nope
86. end time?: 5:54pm
Current Music: |
When in Rome- Nickel Creek | |
|
|
IF A MOVIE WAS MADE OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? So, here's how it works: Open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
Put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song that's playing.
When you go to a new question press the next button.
Ready? GO! Opening Credits: Crank Heart- Xiu Xiu ...so far so good... Waking Up: Jamie- Jenoah Falling in Love: Getchoo- Weezer ...haha oh shiiiiit... Fight scene: So Impossible- Dashboard Confessional ...that would be the gayest fight scene on record... Breaking up: Emergency- Paramore Getting back together:Poor Little Rich Boy- Regina Spektor Secret Love: Addiction- Kanye West...hellzzzz yeahhhhhhhhh "why everythin supposed to be bad make me feel so good"... Life's okay: It's the Law- Mates of State Mental Breakdown: We're Just Friends- Wilco Driving: The Rain Song- Led Zeppelin ...oh god words can't even express how i love them and this song kicks ass... Flashbacks: July, July!- The Decemberists Partying: Every Man Has a Molly- Say Anything ...HAHAHA fitting... Happy dance: End of the Line- Murder by Death ..not very fuckin happy... Regretting: Points Underneath- The Honorary Title Long night alone: Brace Yourself- Howie Day Final Battle: Sadest Girl Story- The Starting Line Death scene: Scream- Billy Idol Ending credits: At the Lowest Point- Anathallo |
|
|
Into the Mystic- Van Morrison Certain Shade of Green(acoustic)- Incubus Mellow Yellow- Donavon Good Morning Starshine- Donavon Sunshine Superman- Donavon Atlantis- Donavan What You Know About- Donavon Season of the Witch- Donavon Everybody I Love You- CSN&Y Sea of Madness- CSN&Y Our House- CSN&Y Woodstock- CSN&Y Old Man Take A Look at My Life- CSN&Y Bastard- Ben Folds Jesusland- Ben Folds Landed- Ben Folds Gracie- Ben Folds Sparks- The Who i'm going to bonnaroo
g'bye. |
|
|
i wish there was a way to tell if you are really trying to protect me or be your usual selfish, uncaring self on the one hand, the good is so out of character
it's nearly unbelievable on the other hand
things have been different lately i think i need to take a break from all things romantic
yes
i'm taking a vacation from boys and their horrible ways
i'm sick and tired of being "that girl" they want....later
when they are tired of those painted up right here right now girls
and so
vacation i love boys but for a while i'm only going to love them as good friends
i just want to chill, and have a kick ass summer starting with bonnaroo
Current Music: |
gideon- my morning jacket | |
|
|
tonight was fun i <3 those crazy boys i miss the bg people outrageously only 2 more months Well shes running to the hills again
can you tell me if she'll ever return
She must be mother natures child
Because shes running through,
A girl of the wild
Shes talking to the trees again
telling me that shes one of them
Looking at the blood on the tree
Is she ever gonna notice me Can you remember the first time we met
living together in colossal times
Somethings are given, with no reason why
living together all of the time
Love is for gypsies with wondering eyes |
|
|
how much of this journal is true, and how much is what sounds like something good to say?
i'll never tell. |
|
|
The middle of the night
Some hairbrained scheme
Months of hoping you are in jail
And all you have to say its "Let's go, now"
And I have to force the words "I can't" out of my mouth
Is this the beginning of another bad ending?
I see you in...less than 2 weeks.
A crowd of hundreds maybe, but you know where I'll be.
And you will fall in love.
I feel sorry for us both.
Current Music: |
White Unicorn- Wolfmother | |
|
|
i don't know what is wrong with me
i complain all the time about how i attract assholes and jerks from miles away
but then i sit here and let people say the most ridiculous/outrageous things to me
and i don't get mad
or cuss them out
or slap them
any other normal girl would
but i can't stand making people mad at me
i avoid it at most all costs
and i'm not unintelligent
i realize that many people take advantage of me because of that
i see it happening
and yet if i even so much as suspect you might have an honest bone in your body and a drop of goodness in you
i back down, soothe, calm, put up with shit, and compromise
even if i see people doing the same thing that always happens
i give everyone a chance just in case they are nice
and i think it's a sad thing that because things are the way they are these days
that i feel like i have to get meaner and bitchier to keep myself out of harms way
i know i joke
and tease
and am always sarcastic and never serious
but
honestly and seriously for once it is horrible to be
a lady searching for a gentleman in a world full of harlots and sleazebags.
there.
i admit it.
i'm a good girl.
and i can't do a damn thing about it.
Current Mood: |
 frustrated |
Current Music: |
shooter jennings | |
|
|
... You're captivating while evading
All the questions I have for you like,
"What exactly makes you tick?"
When the guilt sets in tell me
What are we going to do?Your tongue is wet with a top secret passion
I hope I am the cause of it
I'll navigate this unsturdy vessel
Filled with a soft sea of pillows and blankets And I fight the urge to explore
The vastness of your curves I adore
You know I, I hate you
No, I hate you more
You know I, I love you
No, I love you more Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you I've sunken in the quicksands of love
And I don't want you to rescue me
Screw what my supposed friends think
It's obvious they reek of jealousy
It's obvious they reek of jealousy And I fight the urge to explore
The vastness of your curves I adore
You know I, I hate you
No, I hate you more
You know I, I love you
No, I love you more Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you I hope to God I mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you Also, I love Miss Cara Scott. And I can't wait to see her. And I know things will turn out alright for her.
Current Location: |
Bedroom Window |
Current Mood: |
 worried |
Current Music: |
Himerus and Eros- The Spill Canvas | |
|
|
this has been the strangest week on record. they are coming out of the woodwork. why talk to me? i mean really? goooooo away. jesus. the world has tilted from it's axis, i'm convinced.
i hate all you horrible boys. quotes from none other than myself on a delerious night tonight:
"we are straight up thuggin over here"
"...and now it's like i'm a balloon"
"i have morals. i mean, i haven't killed anybody yet. that's something."
"dang woman you about lit my leg on fire!"
"I'm so not mean. O' Charlie's give you CARROT CAKE on your birthday?! I'd so throw it at them. What? Was that mean?"
"Quick! What do gangsters say?"
"You can't get horny over some guy in a television that's fat now." Sometimes I embarass myself. |
|
|
it's my life philosphy. Some people cry and some people die by the wicked ways of love
But I'll just keep on rollin' along with the grace of the Lord above.
Current Mood: |
 content | |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
imreallyaudrey's journal